final (report) from dušan

This is a part of my final report that I was supposed to write, because my (and Paul's) voluntary service in Pekarna is just finished. It's a list of my activities.

"
It is hard to review briefly what I have been doing 9 months of my EVS because it was many little roles and tasks and the bigger picture is quite complex. But I can say I functioned as photographer, assistent-technician and versatile creative element and local networker. More concretely, I was

-photographer of PMM events (mainly concerts)
-organizer and co-founder of cycle of weekly photo sessions called Group Photo Therapy skupinskafototerapija.blogspot.com/
-co-organizer of creative Zeko-trip workshops
-organizer and lecturer of Viral Marketing workshot
-junior technician and light designer for the concerts organized in PMM's concert hall Gustaf
-co-organizer and participant of stage light design workshop in cooperation with my sending organisation
-co-organizer of Dali Dali exhibition in Gustaf
-technical support of Vegan dinners and international conference „New Times New Models“
-member of volunteer team around Project Maribajk (driver and technical support)
-occasional asistent of several workshops organized by MISC Infopeka
-supporter in the promotion of PMM's and INFOPEKA's programmes and events
-together with my boss, speaker and dramaturgist of our radio show Radio Radio in Radio MARŠ
-with my fellow evs Paul, I’ve worked on interventions in the public space: Neighbourhood Lunches (http://evs-pekarna.blogspot.com/2010/02/exit.html) and Fu*cking Co*king Show (http://vimeo.com/8520231,http://vimeo.com/10537041);
-about my activities, I was reporting at Pekarna website throught EVS blog
(http://evs-pekarna.blogspot.com/);
-initiator and founder of „art-group“ called Creactive Bastards of Maribor, connecting active people with similar interests and ideas trying to execute them
-co-designer and co-producer of Solar Pulse Music indie label (badges, t-shirts, cd covers, bags)
-technical support of La Vitrine, artists in residency
-lecturer of photo lessons in social program PUM
-occasional concert video maker
-initiator of countless unexecuted ideas and projects
"

I will write more personal point of view on whole 9 months of my life in Maribor, later - from my home-country/-town/-organization/-whateva.

(for now, I will miss lot of people from here. But I will be coming back anyway. From time to time.)

By the way, our goodbye party is tomorrow evening in Pekmez gallery (Koroška 18). Our train is leaving Friday morning.

Another good but hard day

25. marec 2010, 1.24 in the night

I am tired. But it was a great day. Full.

In the morning, we went to Tehniška šola to repair bikes within Maribajk project. Paul, Ieva, Kaja and me. And Indijanez truck. It was cool mini-trip. I couldn't start the car because the battery was fucked. But finally, it was working. We made nice interaction with some of students of that school during repairing bikes. Then, we wanted to go back but the car didn't start again. So, we had to push it a bit. Eventually, one of the students managed to make the truck running and roaring. Euphoria. He was the hero of the day. I hope he felt the same. It was funny. We were laughing in the sun.

Then, there was a workshop/conference in Gustaf within Den spremembe. I was hanging around, eating bananas, helping, documentating the event and zillion other little things.

And then then, the preparation of concert of Sopot (dub band) started. I did the lights. We had quite much time for preparation. I tried my best. In the beginning of the concert, I was not truly satisfied with my light operating but it was getting better gradually. In the end, I was really enjoying the music, lights, dub.

Now, I am very tired. It was a long day.

And I still listen to the same music. Long time, I haven't heard something that would really struck me. I have wAgAwAgA (some dubstep) but it's not as good as I expected.

Yo and today I was thinking about overdosing by coffee. That could be interesting.

..sometimes, I like to wash the dishes just to make somebody feel bad. Such a bastard I am. So what. It's fun. And I am usefull at least. Washing the dishes is relax, as well. Ah, and I wrote this text. It's an invitation for/exploration of interest in the cycles of photo workshots we are going to start soon. If you are interested (and interesting), write me to dusan@pekarna.org

So here is the text:

--

Hello, this is Dusan from Pekarna // Zdravo, Dušan iz Pekarne tukaj

I am writing not only to you to ask something // Ne pišem samo tebi, da ti hočem nekaj vprašat

Do you know someone who would be or are you - interested (and interesting:) in photographing? Doing it, talking about it and sharing our experience. Together // Skupaj. Fotkat.

"Yes" is the greatest answer. Because we (dusan & daniela) are preparing the cycle of photo workshots. One session every week. It will be done in our special (lame) way which means lot of improvisation, lot of fun (hhahaha) and hopefully improvement of our photo skills and abilities. // "Da" je najboljšji odgovor. Ker midva (dušan & daniela) pripravljava ciklus foto workshotev. Ena session vsak teden. To bomo delali v našem specialnem (grdem) načinu - tako veliko improvizacije, veliko zabave (hehehhe) in upamo da napredek v naših slikarskih skilleh (sposobnostih).

We haven't decided about the date of the beginning and which day and hour of a week we will meet, yet. That's also why we communicate with potential participants in advance. When would it suit to other people. We are flexible. And if you have any idea about the name of this "thing", bring it on. We want to have a cool name. Nothing stupid like "hočemo fotkat boljšje". // Nismo se še zmenili o datumu začetka in kateri dan in uro tedna se bomo srečali. Ampak to je tudi razlog za kaj komuniciramo s potencialnimi udeleženci. Smo flexibilni, hočemo vedet kdaj je to okej za druge.. Tudi - če mate idejo za boljše ime te stvari, napišite nam. Želimo imeti nekakšno kul ime. Ne sranje ko "hočemo fotkat boljše".

keywords: experiment, "no limit", "everything is possible", "no budget", "nared si sam/a", fotkič, luč, sharing

Hvala za obisk // Thanks for your time and spread the word

dušan & daniela

--

Monolog with friend

me: You there?
Sent at 20:45 on Monday

me: I have very often weird feeling about almost all the things we are doing in Pekarna (we - "young generation") that it is not really so good because almost none of us is formally educated in what we are doing. And that we are just amateurs who have opportunity to do something. We have equpment, space, possibliities
And that maybe it is stopping me and I guess I have low self-esteem in this "professional" level.
I am very critical, I became very critical here.
Because I feel that I can't do, I can't afford or I would never dare to do such things in Stanica. Because Stanica is just too good. And I am not in her qualitative "league" (yet, if ever).
That's maybe the issue I like here.
Sent at 20:49 on Monday

me: But if I think little bit more about this too big respect/fear to do something, maybe I should also bear in mynd that many great things started like this - in amateur way, in amateur conditions, with weak planning, some good things grew just from big enthusiasm.
And their founders didn't know much in the beginning but by doing it, they grow and they learnt so much until they get to the point like maybe Stanica now - that other people in the field started to respect them/us. But it takes years
And I am not secure.
I have fears about myself, my abilities and potentials.
This is what bugs my mind.
Sent at 20:52 on Monday

me: I am impressed by Tadej's will to do some exhibitions and so on. But on the other hand, I am thinking secretly in my head that it is not good enough what he is doing. But his fucking energy... is there. And by the years, he will learn and maybe move to totally different level.
I hope it works like this.
I hope we will not stuck in beginner's enthusiasm
Sent at 20:54 on Monday

me: This is maybe the most accurate description of what I am thinking in my mind about my work ever. So far.
And if I compare my work to professionals, I feel really small.

I need to educate myself. So much more

Exit

Kosilo

The first neighbourhood lunch happened on January 23rd and it was a success.
A young Slovene-Sri Lankan couple came, and a lady and her daughter joined us a while later.
We were sitting in the block hall, and lots of people passed by, all smiling and promising to join "drugič".
It was the first milestone, the ground for future evolution and development. We commited to make it for often, at least when springtime would come. The grassy area in front of the building could welcome picnics and various performances - theater, screenings...

Olisok

You noticed my style is pretty monotonous today.
I'm going through some kind of "flat" phase.
Although Dušan, Urška, Gregor or the bands would compliment me on the job I did for the benefit concert last night, I myself know, for having lived it minute by minute during the evening, that I was not present, physically nor mentally, every time I should have. A thousand little things I fucked up, which I usually handle quite well. With light and sound management, relating to the people, organizing the evening...
This is a symptoma of my overall tireness. Or maybe the tireness makes me see everything black-ish.
I also have the feeling that, halfway into my EVS, I haven't accomplished anything nor even properly integrated in the team. Yeah, sure, I give a hand. But what do I bring new, how do I modestly but concretely try to improve Pekarna's programme and its realization? How am I Dušan Dobiaš, somehow? Still wondering...

Rad bi šel na praznike, but as yesterday gave me hope for warmer days, today rain came back, too.

So... where's the fuckin' exit?

Paul

PS: I'm not depressed

Days in Gustaf

Long time, no blogpost (from dušan).

Ogromno stvari se dagaja. Začinemo znova Pekino. Daniela, Ieva - programiraja (dvojina..hm hm, dvojina dela še vedno problem), jaz delam plakati in flyere. Tako, vsako drugo nedeljo bomo gledet film in potem diskutirat. Ja! Prvič 21ega februara. Ob 19tej, 0 €. Vabilo, pridite.

Nasjledna stvar - bo drugi Zeko trip. Jaz bom lektor, tema bo imela več fokus na virusni marketing (viral marketing). Hočemo naredit napredek v propagaciji Solar Pulse koncertev in program Pekarni na sploh. Tako bomo iskušali naredit plan viralne kampane s Zeko. Naredit plan pa potem ga zrealizirat! :) Drugi Zeko trip bo 25. februara ob 18.00 v Gustafu.

In ja - Gustaf je dobil slunko, končno. Zelo lepo to zdi. Sem srečen. Poglejte, pridite. Se vidimo.

lino, vino, ivo, dušan

I work in Pekarna

Ok.
Things happen.
It never stops.

Don't look back.
Or do.
Go.
On your own.

blabla bullshit
Cut the crap, dusan.

Tuesday (22 dec.) at 15.00, in Gustaf
Content: Zeko
Form: over-sized fluffy head, badge, patch, wikipedia entry, stencil, sticker, toy, fairy-tale, myth... and whatever else coming to our minds

A workshot dedicated to our fucked-up hero Zeko. Express your love and care for our depressed rabbit friend. Come home to Gustaf, be creactive, join Zeko Trip.



Finally, we use Gustaf. We - who are we? New blood pumping through veins of what some people call Pekarna.
I want to see Gustaf filled with energy, ideas, creactivity, people, laughter.

Solar Pulse Concerts in Gustaf are beautiful.
Philosophical discussions in Gustaf are fine. Even when I understand 1/3.
Press meetings (tiskovke) in Gustaf where almost nobody comes are sad and boring.
Total Fusion in Gustaf... I wanted to write that it is bullshit but I will give it one more chance.

We will see. What Zeko Trip will feel like in Gustaf.
And a question for you to think: can you imagine bunch of little kids doing some creative stuff in Gustaf?

What I am trying to express long time. Since I came here.
My point is - I want to work again in the culture center where a day of event feels almost like a holiday.
I want to feel I need, want, have to be there. And the rest of the team, as well. Because we do events that we like. We do concerts that we like. We do parties that we like. With/For people we love (or at least like).

I don't want to be in need of a bouncer. Safe-guard. Who kicks out people who behave violently. It makes me sick.
But I know. Reality is different. People are shit sometimes. But we can work on it. Slowly, day by day.

And one more thing.
I want to feel proud about the place where I work. And
I want to feel proud about all the people I work with.
I don't want to feel ashamed when somebody asks me - what do you do.
I want to feel great, replying

I work in Pekarna.

pekarna?

What do I do?

People ask me this question and I don't know what to say. Because it is hard to answer in one sentence. I have been here for six weeks, already.

Now, I will try to answer myself.

I am Pekarna photographer.
I am creative element.

Me and Lucija, we are finishing video report about Skulpture začasnosti for Artyčok.tv.
We started to make badges. For Solar Pulse Music. Others will follow. Our badges are really nice. Each is different, original, specific.

I am meeting more and more people. Who are interested and enthusiastic in many ways.
Photography, for example. I was thinking about making foto workshot but I changed my mind. We will start some kind of regular once-a-week foto group. Open for anyone with analog, digital or no fotoaparat at all. Open mind will be the only requirement.

I am gathering people whose passion is painting. I hope we will touch space we live in, soon. In personal, very subjective but not selfish way.

Community, presso machine, Daria, pancakes, fuck plast, video battle, canvas, calendar, diy, trash, urban adventure, družba, radio, bird perspective, guerilla, low-budget, low-fidelity, people-found-on-street, crowd manipulation, jam, sharing, t-shirts, glass, interactive, light, design, videoclip, fake, dark room, Pečjak, Pekarma, Stanica, family, Budapešť, self, therapy.

You can ask me about any of these words. We can talk. And act. They are merely blips of what I have in (maybe not only ) my mind.
You can even steal my ideas. It doesn't matter to me because I am full of them. It will maybe even make me happy if you will execute some of ideas born in my head. Do it. My ego will shine smiling.

Besides many other things,
I am new open door to Pekarna for those people who don't really like or know this space. Because I am a newbie, an outsider, not tainted by any background, context, local history or interpersonal (sometimes fucked up) relations.

Maybe the question is not What do I do.
But Who am I?

Who are you? Why?

Maybe you are Zeko.

Report from Civil Media 2009

Civilmedia 09, Social & Technological Innovation in Open-Access Media
November 5 - 7, 2009, Salzburg, Austria

report by dusand

Open, alternative, community, free, media, diy - these and many other key words could describe this conference.

Little diy (Do It Yourself) published zines exhibition was the first thing that grabbed my attention. Lot of interesting stuff made by people in US, Germany and so on. I've never thought about doing such things.. but why not?
Inspiring link: http://microcosmpublishing.com


The Emerging Power of Social Media and the Post-Election Violence in Iran (Irfan Raja) 
Presentation about how mobile phones play important role in informing and spreading word about what's happening in Iran and other countries with censored (and not so free) medias. Irfan Raja showed us several examples of videos took by mobile phones who spread around the world mainstream media channels in very short time from the act happened.
He was also speaking how Twitter is becoming more and more important in fast communication about some hot news and issues.

/// For those who don't know Twitter - it is simple and fast internet tool for sharing short messages within its users. You can write a message and all your twitter "followers" will get it immediately. And mutualy - you will get messages from all the members who you follow. Stanica started to use it several weeks ago. It's another social media tool. It can be connected with Facebook. In the future, it looks like quite powerful tool also for doing PR in informal, direct way. If you are interested, come to me and I can show you how it works in 1 minute.

Community Funded Journalism (David Röthler)
This was very interesting for me. David Röthler from Salzburg based Radiofabrik showed us few internet ideas for funding the community (not only) journalism.

http://www.spot.us/
Community portal where citizens of Los Angeles / so-called Bay Area (=San Francisco, probably) can donate 20 or more dollars to help funding particular story. You as a user and member of the community can choose which article you would like to support. You can see how much more money is needed to write an article. After the amount of dollars is collected, they hire professional journalist for writing the story. By this, citizens of community express their interest in particular topic touching space they live in and they can help with small financial support, as well. So they pay someone who write about their community. For them.
The question is if it could work in European envirnoment and with European way of thinking. Maybe yes, maybe not. It's interesting idea, isn't it?

http://www.sellaband.com/
Check this if you have a band and (of course) no money to produce album.
In that case, this portal is dedicated for you. Bands who wants to be produced can register there, show their idea and people can donate support them. Directly, in small (or big) portions. In return, you can get the money (or some other stuff) back if the project you supported became successful.
So far, more than 2,5 milion dollars were already invested for lots of bands who joined this thing - which is quite impressive.

http://kachingle.com
"Kachingle is a way for readers to choose and equitably share
their $5 monthly contribution with the web sites they appreciate the most."
If you have a website with quality content that people like, you can try to get supported by your fans or let's say community. You register to kachingle.com, attach little thingie on your website. Users of this site can click on it and support you in very little amounts of money (like 10 cents for each visit of your website, or 5 dollars each month - it's possible to set it how you want). If many people will support you with little something, you can get interesting amount of support. Oh and 20% of each donation goes to the services (the provider of the website).

This thing can be boxed into crowdfunding or micropayments category if you like boxes and categories. It's opened for anybody.

http://www.kiva.org/
This is something similar - you can lend money to people who try to start their own little business in poor countries. You always see particular person, his profil, what is he going to do and so on... Very sympatic thing. Something like adopting children from Africa - sending money to some exact child. Yeah, it's similar principle.

This guy, this David Röthler, made an interesting note about Bertold Brecht's Radio Theory. He compared it to Web 2.0 which was inspiring for me. I know very little about Brecht's Radio Theory but this made me want to know more. I will find some info about it. Or if you know something about it, tell me.


History Commons (Daniel Erlacher/Elevate)
They say it was a workshop but nowadays, people call workshops any kind of stuff. For me, it was more an interactive informal presentation. But whatever. It was not bad at all.
http://www.historycommons.org is run by american non-profit organization. "The website is a tool for open-content participatory journalism."
The thing is that there are editors who write, make compilations of facts from books, news, media, basically all kinds of information channels with aim to make a bigger picture of what's going on in our world. This thing should be seen as a new way for writing history. They are just facts, no opinions.
You have entities (persons, organizations,...), timelines of some historical (presence is history as well) events.
It's edited by a bunch of editors (mainly US), so it's not like Wikipedia where basically anybody can edit the content.

///One little personal advise from me - don't consider Wikipedia to be some kind of serious source of information. It can be abused, misused for someone's purposes or intentions. Wikipedia is nice idea but a bit utopic. In this world. Because if you want to have relevant source of information, it has to have an author. Wikipedia has no author, you can't refer to anybody.

So, History commons wants to put the news into perspective. You can see lots of facts from different sources which should provide as objective (if we can say that) overview as possible.

A problem can be editors - who choose them? Who decide who will add and edit content on this website? Daniel Erlacher doesn't have deep insight about how it works in the team of people editing the portal. But as far as he knew, his impression was that those people do it for objectivity itself, for having a bigger picture of what's going on, without any secondary intentions. But human element is always the thing, as we all know.

And of course - this idea is ran under Creative Commons. (http://creativecommons.org/)


Social Innovations in DIY Publishing: Print-On-Demand Technology and the rise of Indie Community Authorship (Deborah Withers)
I missed a presentation that initiated my interested in this conference in the very beginning. Anyway, it was about Print-On-Demand. If you want to publish something and you don't have much money, it's one of the possibilities for you. Print on demand means that you print that many books how many buyers you have. You don't have to print 500 or 1000 books because the big printing house can do it cheap (anyway, you don't have money for so many prints and you are not sure if you will sell it). You just print how many orders you have. So each printed book has its concrete customer. So you will sell all the stuff you have printed. I think it's usually digital print, so it's not so badly expensive. I have to study this a bit more to get more exact information.

In Other Worl(d)s: An Exercise in Collaborative Writing (Tea Hvala)
Tea Hvala is a cool person involved and active in many things in Ljubljana, especially Metelkova mesto. With other people, she organizes international queer/feminist festival Rdeče zore (Red Dawns / Die Rote Zora) every march.
She led a workshop of (collaborative) team writing, with focus on science-fiction genre. Imagine 6 people who set up characters and general topic or setting of the story and each of them starts writing. After 10 minutes, each of them pass his paper to the neighbour and continue writing in someone else's story. You interact with other people's writings, characters, storyline. The process is finished when every people comes to every participant. The results can be very colorful, amusing, innovative and open-minded texts. We were thinking about mixing the languages of writing but we left it for next time maybe. You can check the stories we wrote here.

inspirating links:
http://www.rdecezore.blogspot.com/
http://prepih.blogspot.com/






fotos:

dusand
&
tea hvala
Addicted2Random (Markus Brandt, Republik der Sehnsucht)
Markus Brandt, guy from Radiofabrik presented us his music making machines. He programmes this software which randomly creates/generates music. He is going to put it online to the http://www.radiofabrik.at site in a week or so, so you will be able to listen to 24/7 (nonstop!) randomly computer-created live music. Each of his "music machines" play different kind of music. In the future, he is going to connect several machines into.. let's say orchestra of software musicians. Because each machine represents one musician. We can say it like that. Yes.
Or it will be even possible to make it interactive with human musicians. I consider this as quite good project with lots of potential.
The music itself actually sounded good.

Participatory culture and technology in on- and offline networksThe last thing I attended to was a presentation of three people:

Tea Hvala presented festival Rdeče Zore and how they work inside the organizational team and how they network with our activists within feminist and queer scene in Slovenia, Balkan, Europe.
http://www.rdecezore.blogspot.com/

Sonja Prlic (Austria) presented 3d online game called Frontiers which should in an informal way advertise and open the topic of crossing borders, migration and refugees. Very interesting, very innovative approach and quite attractive form for young people.
http://www.frontiers-game.com/

Rosa Reitsamer (Austria, Wien) was talking about online database and portal of gender and ethnicity orientated music and their open space with the similar focus of activities in Wien - aRtmosphere.
http://www.digmeout.org

Fotografr's two messages of the day

FAK FLASH!
Don't flash if you don't really have to. Or at least, think twice before using it. I know... "bad light" blablabla. But if you REALLY need to use the flash to make a picture, use it in appropriate, emphatic extent. If you are foto-dokumenting some public event, a big external flash doesn't make you a good fotografr. You shouldn't be seen. You have to try to be silent, stealth. As less obvious and visible as possible. Even clicking of the shutter pisses me off.

So keep on your mind that everytime you flash into someone's eyes, you are making (culture, social, whatever) experience less comfortable for him. You are fucking him in quite a direct way. Yeah, fuck you - fotografrs with (big) flash. I say - rather naturally and intimately experienced moment for audience than decently-exposed photos of the event. People are living now, not in the pictures. That's my philosophy as a fotografr. I can discuss it with you further anytime.


Another thing:
FAK "CAMERA"!
English language is wrong with this. Because it says 'camera' but it wants to say 'fotoaparat'. Camera, kamera is for making videos, films. Slavic people, we all understand this. So I suggest you to stop using word 'camera' if you are talking about appareil de photographie. Jaz delam slike s fotoaparatom in filmi s kamerou.
Anyway, I am wrong with this as well, because camera is latin word. But who cares. It's a dead language.
And they are just words, anyway.

THIS IS A CALL OUT // BUT I AM NOT A CALL BOY

Sunday

Bambi Molesters, Demolition Group. I was lucky to experience concerts of these two legends (which I didn't know before, of course). They were very good. I recommend.

But after lot of loud music, it is always nice to wake up on Sunday and look out of the window. To see this..

Tisti stvari vidim z okna.

Hypocrite's blabla

Be independant. 
Think and act.
Rely on nobody.

Do what you want.
Do what you know.
Do what you want to know.

Feed your soul and body.
Listen to others.
Don't follow them.

Criticize everything. 
Yourself in the first place.

Take radical changes of your mood as chances to see same things in different light.
Learn and teach.

Play.
Break rules.
Use words only as tools.
Avoid fools.
Do not be cool.

Act and reflect your actions.

"Šal dole!"

Yeah, yesterday was a strange day. Some people shouted at me because of my white-green scarf I was wearing: "Šal dole" - (Put the scarf away). They thought I am Ljubljana footbal team fan. And Maribor "football fans" are not friends with Ljubljana "footbal fans".

But I was wearing it because the weather was cold. I got this scarf as a goodbye gift from my friends in Žilina - a night before I came to Maribor. The colors are just accidental.

If I would have more guts, dignity and kilos, I would keep wearing it. But I am not a conflict type. I am not good at physical opinion exchange and I hate violence.

Dumb people like these are everywhere.
Funny and sad.

A Death came to me today

Cadillac Face. Creative and complex persona. I would like to call him a friend but I don't know him that much. Or better say I didn't. He is gone now. He made his choice. I hope he feels better now. Nobody can imagine someone else's inner world. So be it. Anything.

I felt close to him even I didn't know him deeply. But I could feel much out of him. I liked his music.

Cadillac Face died,
Committed suicide,
Hope he's better now.

Fak Fotošop

However we use it so much (and most of us illegaly, hehe), there are some moments when we can show the finger to this program.

For example, yesterday was the case. The task was - to design dvd case cover for Pekarna promo dvd. As cheap as possible (motto: zero is the best budget) and as fast as possible.

Step 1: We reviewed what we have or what we don't have. We have no plastic cd cases.

Step 2: Okay. We took a look around us. Pekarna and any other environment where (creative) people live and work is crowded with various kinds of trash or useless things that just wait to be used or thrown away as piece of junk. And of course, every-day tools and things that we use in our work.

Step 3: Idea - karton. There is always some carton-box that you can rebuild into something... higher. For example - super sexy cd cases.

So the plan is: karton, black stage tape, pen and nice hand-writing. And Pekarna stamp, naturally.

Blablabla. Long story short.

In the beginning, we were thinking of designing some nice cd cover case in photoshop that we would later print and put into plastic thing. But this low-budget, good-looking, enviroment-friendly idea caught, so we could and we happily did skip aaaall the computer(shit)work. Because we suck at Photoshop.

So what? For sure, it would be another small lesson for us. But we like to answer the challenge of doing good old-fashioned manual work - if there is occasion and situation. And IDEA. Yeah, let's go analog.

If we would do it photoshop, I am sure the final result would not look so good and we wouldn't be so satisfied with our job.

Message of today ego-blog: do not be afraid of things you are bad at, use them for your growth. Take them as creative challenge to improve yourself. Let it mean anything.

Use the trash inside and around yourself.

We work in mysterious ways.

(dusan, lucija)

Ventilacija

Why is it good to write just for yourself? What's the meaning of taking photos without using them anywhere? Is it useless to draw something and never show it to anyone?

Sometimes I got this feeling of emptiness, low effectivity, senselessness. I feel I should do just things that have exact, particular meaning, sense or purpose. But this is wrong.

It's not bad to create something with no aim. If it makes me feel alive and happy and capable to actually do something then it is great. To do such thing. If nothing more, than I take it as an exercise. Training. A lesson in which I improve my creative skills. And experience I gained during this "senseless" activity can (and will be) used in a real-life situation that I might never think of happening.

Moreover. There are cases when some good idea emerges from totally senseless activity. Yeah. 

And I don't know why I am writing about this. Because for lot of people, this is clear and they don't need to think about it more. But I guess I need to re-assure myself again. So, today message for Dušan is: Do whatever you want if it makes you feel better (and others not worse).

+386 (0)30 334 966

This is my new phone number. I am opened to various kinds of contact and communication. (Ignoration is also one way how to communicate. hehe)

Yesterday, I spent whole morning by cleaning the kitchen. On a first sight, it didn't look so bad but on the second look - it was filthy as hell. And I was surprised by myself. Usually, I don't care much about cleaning the place so much. Maybe I am getting.. older?

Or like Lester Burnham said "It's a great thing when you realize you still have the ability to surprise yourself."

Oh - and if you will call me, probably the first thing you will hear from me will be something like "moja slovenščina je slaba, govorte pomalu". But maybe there will be another surprise.

duš.

Self-experiment

My departure and my arrival. Approaching fast. In last few days, I got a feeling like I am leaving the best people, best places, best situations and conditions of my life. I am leaving safe world of my family, Stanica, friends, activities I am doing. I am stepping into different space. New people, new language, place and habits. Of course, I don't leave for good but anyway... it's a strange feeling.

In last few weeks/months, I talk about my departure much - always full of enthusiasm, with a sparkle in my eyes. Not realizing how big impact it will be.
Full of imaginations, expectations, naivity. And now, I got a bit scared because it is actually going to HAPPEN. No more talking and thinking. Acting.

It's like when you talk about something you want to do since so long and then the moment comes where you actually have to do it.
This is it. Moment of truth.

I talk/think too much and act too little. Je suis plein de merde. One of my friend told me last week: "Dusan, you should think 2/3 less and act 4/5 more." He is right. I know. I've been thinking much about it. Hehe.

Maybe it's just another experiment of mine.
Self-experiment.
We will see the results.