Monolog with friend

me: You there?
Sent at 20:45 on Monday

me: I have very often weird feeling about almost all the things we are doing in Pekarna (we - "young generation") that it is not really so good because almost none of us is formally educated in what we are doing. And that we are just amateurs who have opportunity to do something. We have equpment, space, possibliities
And that maybe it is stopping me and I guess I have low self-esteem in this "professional" level.
I am very critical, I became very critical here.
Because I feel that I can't do, I can't afford or I would never dare to do such things in Stanica. Because Stanica is just too good. And I am not in her qualitative "league" (yet, if ever).
That's maybe the issue I like here.
Sent at 20:49 on Monday

me: But if I think little bit more about this too big respect/fear to do something, maybe I should also bear in mynd that many great things started like this - in amateur way, in amateur conditions, with weak planning, some good things grew just from big enthusiasm.
And their founders didn't know much in the beginning but by doing it, they grow and they learnt so much until they get to the point like maybe Stanica now - that other people in the field started to respect them/us. But it takes years
And I am not secure.
I have fears about myself, my abilities and potentials.
This is what bugs my mind.
Sent at 20:52 on Monday

me: I am impressed by Tadej's will to do some exhibitions and so on. But on the other hand, I am thinking secretly in my head that it is not good enough what he is doing. But his fucking energy... is there. And by the years, he will learn and maybe move to totally different level.
I hope it works like this.
I hope we will not stuck in beginner's enthusiasm
Sent at 20:54 on Monday

me: This is maybe the most accurate description of what I am thinking in my mind about my work ever. So far.
And if I compare my work to professionals, I feel really small.

I need to educate myself. So much more