Self-experiment

My departure and my arrival. Approaching fast. In last few days, I got a feeling like I am leaving the best people, best places, best situations and conditions of my life. I am leaving safe world of my family, Stanica, friends, activities I am doing. I am stepping into different space. New people, new language, place and habits. Of course, I don't leave for good but anyway... it's a strange feeling.

In last few weeks/months, I talk about my departure much - always full of enthusiasm, with a sparkle in my eyes. Not realizing how big impact it will be.
Full of imaginations, expectations, naivity. And now, I got a bit scared because it is actually going to HAPPEN. No more talking and thinking. Acting.

It's like when you talk about something you want to do since so long and then the moment comes where you actually have to do it.
This is it. Moment of truth.

I talk/think too much and act too little. Je suis plein de merde. One of my friend told me last week: "Dusan, you should think 2/3 less and act 4/5 more." He is right. I know. I've been thinking much about it. Hehe.

Maybe it's just another experiment of mine.
Self-experiment.
We will see the results.

Barbara Škander goes EVS

Barbara Škander je kot prostovoljka Evropske prostovoljne službe 15. 9. 2009 odpotovala na enoletno gostovanje v Leipzig (Nemčija) v organizacijo GeyserHaus. Pozanimali smo se, kako se je ugnezdila, pa nam sporoča:

"...Hvala lepa za lepe zelje in voscila. … Danes se pripravljamo na romski vecer, kjer bo obilo glasbe, plesa, kasneje pa se nemski otroci pripravljajo nekaj za glasbeno obarvani vecer. Mislim, da mi bo tukaj vsec, oz. mi je ze sedaj. Z Oliverjem pa sva prav danes govorila, kako bom zacela zbirati ideje, da jih bom realizirala s skupino otrok in pritegnila njihovo pozornost. Povedal mi je tudi, da bi bilo dobro ce bi se povezala s kaksno kulturno organizacijo v Sloveniji, ki se zanima za tovrstne projekte, delavnice, kot so v Geyserhausu. Sama sem mu povedala, da na ta racun lahko pisem kaksni organizaciji kot so … Poleg teatra pa so se likovne aktivnosti in … Ne vem sicer kaj naj jim napisem, nedvomno pa bi bilo dobro omeniti kaj pocnem in na kaj moram paziti, da bo vse skupaj dobro izpadlo in bodo otroci motivirani za aktivnost, ki se bo odvijala…. Dobro - to je moje delo. Obljubila sm mu, da se bom lotila tovrstnih projektov. Imam veliko idej - vse je le potrebno se organizirati in spraviti skupaj.
Lepe pozdrave v Maribor.. in smo na liniji."

Barbara

Head full of head full of head full of...

So many ideas and so little I-don't-know-what. This is my problem. Lot of things running throught my head mostly without any material response.

An idea, a thought.
Okay - sounds good.
But... never mind.

Another idea, another thought.
Nice, I could do this.
But... hmm. No.

Another one. And another one. And so on.

This is how it feels often in my brain. Pixies were right asking "Where is my mind?".
It is depressive to discover that I have so many things on my mind but I am not able or capable to execute at least part of them. But all I can do is to carry on. Never give up. This will probably bother me until I die. But I can fight it and perhaps "the meaning of life" is involved in this topic somehow.

I need help. Something or better someone who would push me forward. One kick in the ass, one step forward. Wise saying from Romania. Motivation, activation, impulse. 
Sometimes, just a very small thing can turn me on to start to DO the thing. But it is usually tough fight against myself. I don't know. Maybe they are all just excuses. A need of some external force to activate me? No. It is just in my head. Nobody can see it.

Cut the crap, Dusan.

I am thinking about what I will do in Pekarna. I don't know exactly. I have some ideas. I have some expectations and imaginations. When I come in October, everything will be different. Reality will be much more different from what I imagine in my head. Anyway, I look forward. Give it to me. Everything. And I give all I can back to you.

Striking workshop - French people teach Slovak/Sloven people how to demonstrate. How to fight for your right! How to set cars on fire. Sous les pavés la plage. Paul? (I don't know the evs-guy yet but he has to have striking in his blood. He is French, for Christ sake!)

Interdisciplinary-workshop // fake events - photo?video?dance?acting?scenography?light?design?music?film_workshop for photographers, cameramen, dancers, actors, set designers, light designers, graphic designers, musicians, directors who will work/teach/learn hard to make an event look like it happened. But it did not. Or it did in a way.

External output: photo/video/audio/text reports.
About great fucking concert that you (for sure and unfortunately) missed. Because you didn't know about it happening.
About vernissage of an exhibition of  awesome painter who didn't even know he had been there.
Anything. Fake.
Internal output: experience, knowledge, gained skill for people who did it.
Screwing and messing with the past, reality, truth, events, memories, future.

You don't understand?! So what? Me neither. It won't happen anyway.

Or?